Exit through the toilets

Halfway through the season, with Iggy injured, the Cowboys were set to ride off to Blackhorse Lane with Ev holding the reins - except Ev was still asleep and his horse had bolted. After a telephonic bucket of water over the head from Iggy, he grabbed a donkey and headed north-west.

It was bright and sunny with intermittent clouds and a westerly breeze. Continuing the run of good luck with the coin, Ev won the toss and decided that the pitch was worth batting on first and strode out to open with Grover. After twelve overs they had managed thirteen runs, with Grover outscoring Ev who had possibly gone back to sleep. The scorers had.

Grover was caught trying to push the score along, after which it became Ben's duty to keep Ev awake. Together they got the score to fifty before Ev was bowled after his resilient and judicious occupancy of the crease / tedious blocking (delete as preferred). Tooley came in and matched Ben for stylish strokeplay, both of them the epitome of fine batsmanship, sending the ball racing to the boundary across an unpredictable and unforgiving outfield. On his way to fifty, one of Tooley's mighty blows took the fielder over the line at long-off for six and when he was caught for 55 with the score on 131-3 he'd upped the run rate and helped the Cowboys to a healthy position.

On his debut for the Saturday 1st XI, Asad scored a highly useful run-a-ball 20 with his resolute partner Ben and when bowled, with the score on 156-4, was replaced by second debutant Ollie. With the overs running out and orders to extract as much as possible from them, Ollie was unfortunate to be caught early on but avoided the ignominy that befell his successor Lalith, who perished for a duck. The collapse continued when Ben's was the fourth wicket to fall for five runs, bowled for a vital 39. Garnier and the Landlord eked out a few more runs from what was left of the 40 overs to get the total to 176-7.

Tea was served in a room accessed through the toilets that made toilets in a French campsite look classy. Everyone tried hard not to drop their doughnuts and indiscriminate baps on the floor on the hasty way back out.

Defending their total on a pitch that exhibited the potential for turn and bounce, Ev selected RT1 and Lalith to open the bowling, the former perfoming with customary guile and accuracy, the latter immediately having both batsmen in trouble and in no position to score. Bowling one opener for a duck, Lalith bowled out his very economical spell as Garnier replaced RT1 from the other end.

Looking very deft behind the stumps, Ollie pulled off a remarkable wide catch off Garnier's bowling that would later be chosen as the Cider Moment and the excellence continued when Lalith set up and bowled the new batsman with a flicked carrom ball in his final over, ending with 2-13. The Landlord replaced Lalith but didn't match his economy and the partnership grew, with SteveO unable to stem the relative flurry of runs at the other end. The Landlord's yorker finally did for the opening bat, who fell short of his fifty with Oldfield Park on 108-4.

Asad bowled a fine, brisk debut spell, limiting any chance the opposition had of catching up with and maintaining the required run rate, which was creeping over a run a ball. Wickets could have arrived sooner, due to the usual one or two spilled catches but also a batsman and umpire's inability to feel, see, hear or smell an edge that everyone else had. C'est la vie. They departed in the end, thanks largely to Asad's Man of the Match winning 3-17 and a textbook (cricket) boundary catch by RT1 after a textbook (cookery) spilled one by the Landlord.

Ev bowled an over to show that he was awake now, thought twice, mumbled something about maths and gave the ball to RT1 for a second spell. The opposition didn't appear to have the clout or will to chase the target and one of their own was heard to shout, "the object of the game is to win." No such lack of intent from the Cowboys, who put the pythonesque (snake) squeeze on Oldfield Park to a Pythonesque (Monty) soundtrack from a neighbourhood ice cream van. RT1 picked up a late return catch to ensure that the fire was out and after 40 overs the innings petered out on 140-8.

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Man down

In cricket there are several types of rained-off matches, but this wasn't one of them. Despite overnight rain and an abundance of blue splodges on the rainfall radar, the Saturday 1st XI headed through intermittent light drizzle to Farmborough for their home match against 'big-hitting' Avonside.

Working his solstician magic, Iggy won the toss for the seventh time in succession and once again, with an octet of bowlers at his disposal, asked the opposition to bat first on a green strip with a damp but fast-drying outfield.

Davey and RT1 took the new ball, the latter having the best of possible starts by inducing a mistimed swipe into the covers for the Landlord to pouch, dismissing the reputable opening skipper for a duck. The new batsman and remaining opener then accumulated runs at just under four an over, putting on fifty together until the Landlord, replacing Davey down the hill, starting with two maidens, prompted a risky swipe across the line that found an edge which soared high before descending for RT1 to take a well-judged catch.

Wilki and the Landlord proceeded past drinks, keeping the run rate down and giving stumps and bats a close shave, but it wasn't until Garnier's spell that the next wicket fell. Thereafter, the Avonside middle order sought to up the tempo, attacking Lalith, who responded to no avail by bowling off a Duncanesque longer run.

After Garnier hit the stumps for the second time to dismiss the opener just short of his half-century, the opposition, with wickets in hand, piled on the runs as Ev and the returning Davey tried their best to prevent them from doing so. Both picked up a wicket apiece in the process and RT1's second spell earned him a couple more, one from his trademark slower delivery after being hit for a six the previous ball.

At the end of their 40 overs 'The Riverbank Men' had amassed 227-8, which was perhaps no more than had been expected earlier in the week, but a few more than had been forecast earlier in the afternoon.

Gratitude is owed to Ange not only for providing the tea, but for the pizza and chips back at the pub later. After a light passing shower he took his Nimbus 2013 to the wicket with Grove to open the Cowboys' reply.

The pair coped well with Avonside's pacey opening bowlers, building a slow but solid opening partnership, finding the boundary with just enough regularity and reaching fifty together unscathed. The middle of the brother's willow certainly appeared to have some oomph in it and he used it well. Grove was the first to depart, caught at point off the slow bowling of the opposing skipper, then Ange was out in a similar fashion to the bowler from the other end: 65-2.

Ev and Wilki tried to rebuild, one eye on the escaping run rate, but when Ev was not long after caught at extra cover and Davey his replacement was bowled a couple of overs later, there was a familiar blue funk in the air. Wilki's departure in a similar fashion to the same bowler compounded the feeling: 84-5.

If anyone was capable of maintaining the required asking rate it was Iggy, with solid support from Preash. The latter, hitting the ball with more force each week, looked more than capable of staying around in support, but perished to another catch before the hundred was up, bringing Lalith to the middle.

The pair's sensible but purposeful intent paid off and the score picked up as both got their eye in, unleashed some powerful blows and dashed up and down the wicket. Then, with a crack that would have been picked up by Snicko, Iggy's calf muscle tore, depositing him on the ground and to the sideline for weeks to come, but not until the job in hand was completed. This was going to require a runner and possibly the chaos that one often brings to proceedings: Step forward the Landlord, next man in and never yet run out while playing for the Cowboys.

Iggy continued to defend and bludgeon as best he could, the other two doing the scampering up and down without incident or comedy, until the tragedy of his dismissal at mid-on for 28 (with a strike rate of 155, if the scorebook is to be believed, although for parts of the afternoon it is not).

Lalith took over the heavy hitting, joined now by the runner turned batsman, both searching for the runs to keep their team in contention, but when Lalith failed to complete a second run to a good throw and departed for 20, the required run rate was over ten an over with only two wickets left. Enter Garnier with the Nimbus 2013, throwing hands and craftsmanship at a ball with a modicum of width and sending it hurtling to the square boundary like a hare escaping a greyhound, twice, thereby garnering enough votes to win the Cider Moment.

There was some more scampering between wickets before Garnier's cameo ended (word up!) and he fell to the opening bowler's second spell with the score on 164-9, still some sixty runs short. Could Tinkler and Taylor perform a heroic tenth wicket stand? Apparently not, as the Landlord attempted a quick single to the best arm on the field, didn't ground his bat and was run out for the first time in fifty-one games.

The Landlord was voted Man of the Match, probably not for being run out for five and dropping a catch, possibly in sympathy, as a member of the opposition had inadvertently gone off with his raincoat and a heavy shower was imminent.

Scorecard

Springwatch Special : Ducks

Even after it seemed well done and dusted, some of the Cowboys exhibited great stamina and carried on: Garnier, RT1 & Lalith heroically refused to give up while others thought it was all over. The match might have ended hours earier in an almost humiliating defeat to bottom of the table Stratton on the Fosse, but at the Plough, boy could those Cowboys dance to that hippity hop music that they have these days.

"OMG, WTF happened there?" asked a magpie on the square at Farmborough as the Cowboys drained the barrels from the Ormigrove brewery."I blame the new caps", said a leatherjacket larvae, trying not to become a light supper, safe in the knowledge that fines for such dissent had already been dished out.

"Well", chirped a blackbird, who had witnessed the whole of the afternoon's proceedings from the shade of a boundary chestnut tree, " It went a little something like this."

As a mere formality, the skipper tossed a coin with his opposite number, won again and asked the opposition to bat against his octet of bowlers: A hot afternoon in the field was guaranteed, despite a gusting north-easterly breeze.

RT1 and Garnier bowled with customary theodolite-accuracy, beating the bat on numerous occasions and limiting the batsmen to only a couple of runs an over, accumulated as the ball flew from edges across the fast outfield. Both eventually took out an opening batsman towards the end of their tidy spells to have the Fosse on around 50-2.

The Landlord further contained the incoming batsman and after many vociferous interrogations of the umpire removed one LBW, then clipped the top of another's off stump. Nice. SteveO swung his jazz from the other end but was wicketless and the No.3 batsman, who'd been let off the hook when a catch went down, soon commenced to make midsummer hay.

It wasn't to be MattD's day with the ball, nor Lalith's, as the batsmen found the boundary with regularity after drinks, accelerating the run rate, building on modest beginnings and pushing the total beyond that which had earlier been thought likely: This was the team after all that had been dismissed by Bath for 46, albeit now bolstered by a new No.3 batsman who had just scored a fifty.

Iggy then had a go, but it was wizard Wilko, the last of the octet, who eventually removed both batsmen with Preash taking a smart second catch behind the stumps. The opposition batted out the remaining overs of their innings without loss to end on 205-6.

Tea comprised more baguettes than there are in a Parisian boulangerie, but the entente cordiale was maintained by scones, cream and jam and the Rapid Tea Response Squad stood down.

If the skipper had been somewhat spoilt for choice with his bowling octopus, the batting looked like plankton, if not on paper then in the deep water that the Cowboys found themselves in a few overs later. Grove clung to the liferaft as his partners disappeared, prey to a fine spell of quick swing bowling that found edges and stumps, leaving the surface of the water littered with ducks. The score was barely in double figures with four wickets down.

Operating with a somewhat inverted batting order, all was not lost as there was better batting to come. Grover's resilience and MattD's purposeful belief moved the score along, but after the opening bowler's 4-17 the slower replacement bowling was almost as hard to get away. After playing well along the ground, occupying the crease and reaching double figures, Grover hit one in the air back to the bowler. Lalith didn't malinger, but in his eagerness holed out too soon.

With six wickets down and a steep hill to climb, MattD, who'd cracked some welcome boundaries, was joined at the wicket by Iggy; the pair of them still capable of stealing victory, the latter exhibiting immediate intent with a powerful straight boundary. It was uncanny that after his departure last week, we'd assumed that J.Burgess was a thousand miles away by now, only for his namesake to be bowling for the opposition, not to mention another Wilko at the other end. Perhaps it was these coincidences that Iggy was dwelling upon, with his head down, when JB2 came in to bowl, startling him when he wasn't expecting the delivery, too late to pull out of committing to play a stroke to the ball that bowled him.

SteveO tried to hang on but was bowled for the fourth of five ducks to waddle across the Cowboys' scorebook. Preash's spirited and capable resistance produced his first boundary for the team, followed by two much better ones, but when MattD was bowled for a Man of the Match winning 39, with the total struggling to reach three figures, the game was up. Cider Moments were hard to come by and even harder to remember after drowning sorrows later. No.11 RT1 should be congratulated on surviving more balls than seven of his teammates, on his way to his duck. Preash did his average no harm, remaining not out on 16: All out for 110 in the 36th over.

"I don't believe you," said the magpie.

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Who killed Bambi?

As Garnier served a barbecue at the conclusion of the match against Old Park that tempted your correspondent into the bony realm of pesco-vegetarianism, the fishy was on the little dishy but the boat had failed to come in.

It started so well on a gorgeous first day in June, the cow parsley high, the sun negating a stiff breeze on which wafted pig shite and silage. Ian won the toss for the fifth time in succession and had no hesitation in inserting the opposition on the second-hand strip from the week before and within a trice, RT1 showed that he had very much recovered from injury, in a devastating opening spell that reduced Old Park to 10 for 3. Bolivian-bound Budge bowled beautifully, trapping another batsman LBW to have the opposition in the mire at 18 for 4.

The next partnership put on ninety-five, not for want of accurate bowling, as Matt D and the Landlord prevented the runs from flowing, supported by a busy field, constantly preventing and allowing singles to engineer the strike away from the better bat. One or two sharp chances went to ground and slowly the score advanced. Post-birthday boy Garnier eventually made the breakthrough, springing down the hill with the grace and confidence of a deer that doesn't know it's venison, as Lalith plugged away at the other end, explaining LBW laws to the umpire with eventual success.

The Cowboys did well to restrict the opposition in the final overs, Garnier dismissing the big gun for 79 and trapping another batsman LBW, Ev buying a wicket thanks to a superlative forward diving Matt D and Ian bowling one tight over that had everyone wondering why the skip hadn't bowled more. Old Park's number eleven didn't bat because of a cast on a broken bone and the innings ended in the penultimate over on 153-9.

Duncan provided a sumptuous tea and followed the frittata fad, remembering in the nick of time a green salad tossed with balsamic vinegar to perfect the culinary delight. Brave though, to cock a snoot at the warning last week about the supplier of said egg-based thing not taking any wickets or scoring (many) runs.

Tooley opened the innings with Ev, requiring four an over to win. However, one of the opposition opening bowlers had other ideas and was only allowing one run an over to leak: It was slow progress. So slow in fact, that your correspondent was foolish enough, when sitting next to the fines-meister, to remark, "Isn't that a kestrel?", incurring an immediate financial penalty for twitching with ornithological interest near the field of play.

Back on the pitch, the foundation was being laid and although the builders were a bit slow, it was good firm workmanship. Tooley downed tools on being caught for a dozen, bringing B-b-Budge out to bat for the last time this season. Naturally he made it count, scoring three boundaries and developing a near fifty run partnership with Ev, who was the first to go, for 34: At 84-2 the Cowboys were more than halfway home.

Batting like a man with a boat to catch, B-b-Budge was soon bowled for 26 and when Matt D came and went for a duck which wasn't on the menu, alas, the curse of the frittata led Duncan to depart early for half a dozen (eggs?), the fourth Cowboy to be caught. The skipper came in to partner Lalith, but the little man within urged him to poke at a wide one he'd intended to leave well alone and he was caught at point with the score choking at 103-6.

Your correspondent then came to the crease, intent on giving the strike to Lalith, who whopped two mighty sixes with it before being caught LBW on the back foot for a baker's dozen: Seven down, thirty-odd runs still needed from around the equivalent number of balls. Helpfully, the opposition gave away a few wides to reduce the target, a four was edged behind and mid-off spilled a chance that was drilled at him, allowing the run rate to progress as required, but when RT1 was bowled the Cowboys were still twenty runs short and Garnier was not a happy bunny to have to come out to bat with Bambi to barbecue.

A dozen runs short, the Landlord was bowled for 21, bringing Preash to the wicket to help Garnier scramble over the line but on the penultimate ball of the innings, with four runs required for victory he was run out by the plaster cast-assisted arm of the Old Park number eleven.

After the match, SteveO's ale and Garnier's tucker provided a perfect evening to an imperfect day, B-b-Budge was voted Man of the Match for bowling, batting and bicycling and Matt D's diving catch was adjudged the Cider Moment.

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